What’s Happening?
When I first quit my job to start my own business, I knew I was taking a massive leap of faith. I knew that the stress of the job wasn’t exactly going to go away; it would change into the stress of running my own business, but that was going to be better because at least it was going to be for me, and not anyone else. At first I thrived. I had ideas and motivation and it felt so good to be doing my own thing. But the money wasn’t coming in, which is understandable because I was pretty terrified to actually make a sale. I’m still not 100% sure why. I made a lot of excuses, from supply issues to marketing, to worrying about the fashion industry as a whole and if I could justify my place in it.
Fabric supply is a big issue. Originally, I ordered enough make my sample line. When I went to re-order in bulk to produce the line, I discovered several of my fabrics were out of stock; to this day, there is at least one that is still unavailable, more than a year later. I know I could find alternative sources that would work to replace those, but it is a drain on my time and energy to have to constantly be on the search for high-quality fabric in the same fiber content, weight, and color that I’ve already found that could go out of stock at any moment. So, I either have out of stock items, or I have to re-do my designs which involves a whole lot more work than just changing fabric. Obviously, updating my designs is something I planned on doing, but the current designs were meant to be versatile enough to last more than just a couple seasons. My plan was to keep the current designs as permanent pieces and update the new seasons with 1 or 2 new looks with special or colors or silhouettes. If I can’t get the fabric for my basic line, I almost have to re-do my whole business plan, and that feels like an insurmountable task after the amount of work that’s already been put into it.
Because of the supply issues, I never fully applied myself to marketing. I did not want to sell a product I could not make or deliver. I became terrified of letting down my possible customers because of this, so I didn’t try very hard to find customers. Eventually this led me to have a minor breakdown about the direction of my business. If I wasn’t willing to solve these problems, was I capable of being in business in the fashion industry, a notoriously difficult industry?
That question led to a mid-life crisis. No joke. I still can’t believe I’m old enough to consider this mid-life; I would’ve sworn I was still recovering from my quarter-life crisis, but then I got hit with a completely new one!
The only thing I’ve wanted to do since I was a kid was to make clothes. And suddenly, I wasn’t sure I wanted that anymore. And if I didn’t want to do that, what the hell do I want? This is the question I’ve been trying to force myself to answer for the past few months. Actually, I’ve avoided it like the plague. I’m terrified of the answers I might come up with if I try to answer it. I’m attached to my childhood goal, and I don’t know what it means if my answer is different. What does it mean if it’s the same? I think I’m finally coming around to being able to figure it out.
